The Damage

6 pounds. The damage from the month of December was SIX POUNDS. I just wanted to type it clearly so I could make sure I understood the importance of that number. Those six pounds have made me sluggish, sore, uncomfortable in my clothes, unhappy, and I lost my fifty pound title. Its amazing how much better my body and mind feel when I'm being healthy and smart about my choices.

I'm okay. I am glad I got to see the number on the scale last night. It was a good reminder to quit whining, put my head up, and deal with what I've done. I really appreciate everyone's support yesterday and today. I know it help me tremendously. My calories were at 1,800 yesterday. Higher than target, but considering my body has been used to 3,000 or more a day, I was okay with that number. It was a number to help me move back into the goal range of 1,600 or so.

I've drank so much liquid the last two days I feel like I'm ready to float away. All things combined, I know I can do this. The body rebounds well. It is an amazing organism. Even when I don't treat it right, it still comes back for me...

In other news, I heard a newscast this morning about a local radio crew who tried to see who long they could go without complaining about anything....one lady went 21 days! That's amazing. I bet I cannot go a whole day, which is pathetic, and why I'm going to make a conscious effort to twist negatives into positives and not complain at all the rest of this year. I know two days doesn't seem like much, but baby steps here...Hope you all have a complaint free day too!

Out of Control

There is only one way to describe my recent eating habits, and that is out of control. This is a long ranting post, so please don't feel like you have to read, but I have to make my confession. I have probably been eating around 3,000-4,000 calories a day for at least two weeks. I'm doing OK today because I realize I have to make the choice, but I'm really struggling. I "feel" hungry. I think I am hungry. I'm just not sure. I think it is stress eating, since I'm a lot nervous about being unemployed and going back to school.

I eat a whole meal, and then I could sit down and eat the whole thing again. I am feeling deprived. I'm worried if I don't eat EVERYTHING now, it won't be there later. I don't know how to move past this. I have done it before and I can do it again, the problem is getting to that point. I feel good when I eat, I don't feel bad until I'm done gorging.

I am really venting. It is so hard to get back on track. It is really easiest to just stay on track and then not have to go through this process again, but somehow I forget that. I feel like an emotional trainwreck. I feel upset and angry that I got to this point again. I'm trying really really hard right now to stay out of the kitchen, and all the gum, tic-tacs, or water in the world isn't helping. This must be self-pity, because I cannot figure out what else it might be. I just feel like a fake and phony. I do so well, only to be derailed and fall off the wagon over and over...

Merry Christmas Everyone

Hope you all have a grand holiday. I've been struggling the last two days with my eating and cardio (I have at least been to my PT appointments), but I'm trying to be mindful of all this. I'm not giving myself permission to binge until the New Year, I don't think that is healthy for ME. I think everyone has to do things in their own way. I am not really sure what my feelings are on my intake right now, but I'm trying to come up with a game plan for the next 5 days, I have a celebration each day with a dinner. Wish me the strength to make smart choices.

Only an hour and a half until I get to hit the road and will be closer to seeing my family...hooray. That is worth more than any cookies or pie.

Update

Even with a gazillion Christmas goodies here today, I'm still rockin! Hooray for this new schedule. It seems to be working so far. Maybe eating more calories for my basic meals is the key (or maybe it seems easy since it is day one). Either way, I'm rockin it today.

I'm back

We are finally in the loop with internet here again. It is soooo hard when I cannot get in regularly. My diet and exercise have certainly taken a toll as a result of my bad choices. I did this. I cannot blame the holidays, or my lack of an ability to blog out my issues. Truth is I made bad choices. How bad I do not know. I will not have an opportunity to weigh in during my normal weigh in time likely this week. Unless I hit snooze too many times tomorrow and have to go to the gym tomorrow night. Then, I will weigh in and post on Wed. I really should do that anyway since I need to put a final weigh in on Chubby Chicks Christmas challenge. Sorry my punctuation and grammar are all over the place today.

Oh well. I am making good choices today. I'm trying a new calorie scheme. I used to do 300,100,350,100,800ish (B, S, L, S, D) before, but inevitably I would end up with more for my snacks, and throw myself way too high on calories because I would munch while cooking my 800ish supper. So after listening to an old Julian Michael's podcast my plan is to go by the clock (since I obviously cannot trust my hunger cues) and not eat with less than four hours between my meals and make them more like 400,400,200,600 (B, L, S, D)...

We'll see how it goes. My hours are off already b/c I ate half my breakfast before the gym and half after, but I think that is OK. It seemed to help me deal with losing that mid-morning snack...

Missed you all, I'll check in when I get a chance. I've been reading, but haven't had a chance to comment lately. You all rock.

random question-biggest loser

So, somehow my internet decided to work for a while?!

Random question...how many of you noticed at the Biggest Loser Finale when Bob and Julian came out they hugged Brittany and Bernie in the crowd? Brittany had put on A LOT of the weight she lost. I have no right to judge, but where are these players not learning the lifestyle change needed? I think most people would absorb as much knowledge from the ranch as they possibly could!

Thoughts?!????

Hey

Having mega internet problems, will hopefully be back online by Monday! Just wanted to give a quick shout out to everyone. I've been reading your blogs on my blackberry, but I haven't been commenting b/c it doesn't work properly. Hope you are all doing well!

Beans

I bought a bag of mixed beans recently on a whim. Now I have no idea how to use them (literally, I don't even know how to make them soft). Anybody have any good bean adivce, or know of a website with good bean advice?

Still eating badly

So, we had Applebee's for a work lunch today. I HATE their WW menu and refuse to order off of it. The thought is good, but the food is NOT appealing to me in any way. SO, I of course ordered what I wanted. Nachos. REALLY? Nachos. For goodness sakes. And now I'm eating about 250 calories worth of sugar. I know I'm doing this. I AM MAKING POOR CHOICES. This isn't about willpower, it is about choices. I really need an on-track day to remind me that it isn't a bad thing...cripes.

so hungry

I could eat a cow. I probably have in the last two days actually. I bet I ate close to 4,000 calories yesterday (including alcohol). My thought process is that it is probably due to two different factors:
1) I only ate 1,000ish calories the day before. I have never had calories that low. I would never do that on purpose. EVER. It was just one of those days. I think my body thought I was trying to starve it, so I over compensated yesterday (this feeling of hunger has lingered today, big time!).
2) I started drinking soda again this week. Why, I don't know?! I was completely over it and had no desire to drink it again.
Self sabotage and bad choices. Ekks. I have a gym update, but am late for an appointment, so it will come later.

In

Shanna also emailed me this pic...

Probably because I got in yesterday....

Hooray for awards

Shanna at a Gym Rat's Tale was kind enough to leave me an award, how did I luck out? I'm just glad she left us an update!

1. Please put the logo in your blog

2. Place a link from the person, from whom you received the award. (I already did this, overachiever me!)

3. Nominate at least 7 or more

4. Put the links of those on your blog
5. Leave a message on their blog to let them know

6. Sigh of relief, you earned that award b/c I just made you work for it!

Fat Bridesmaid, you rock my world

The Trisaratops Lounge

Running from the Pudge

Fat Don't Wrinkle

My dearest Kari at Taking Back Control

Andrea from Get up and Do Something

And last but not least...someone who has been struggling but has not given up...

Mary Beth from Boo Bear's Place

Lots of you are inspiring, but many of you have already won, so I hated double duty. If you already won once, well, you have less work to do because you have already completed this process!

Paperwork

I have been tirelessly filling out the novel of an application for the academy. I have been to the DMV, the Bank (for notarization), typed an essay, gathered reference letters, collected transcripts from high school and college, and have a physical tomorrow, FOLLOWED BY AN INTERVIEW AND UNIFORM MEASUREMENTS.

Hooray. I think that should be good news. The only thing I will have left after that is fingerprinting. I'm pretty sure my fingerprints will lead them to NOTHING. Knock on wood, but my driving record I had to obtain does not even have a single speeding ticket on it. I'm such a dork, but the thought of my insurance going up has always kept me from being too much of a leadfoot. I think the only ticket I have ever had besides parking tickets was my minor in possession. I liked beer before I was old enough, sue me.

I am going to drive an hour tomorrow to turn everything in, probably in a snowstorm. My stomach is in knots, but good ones. I'm ready to start now. BEST NEWS, I can already do most the requirements physically for the graduation of the class, imagine how much better I'll be after they work me to death. The requirements are ridiculously low for girls, I'm embarrassed to even tell you...

1.5 miles for girls age 25-29 Excellent 14:00, Good 16:12 (that's slower than a ten minute mile) Fair 18:45 Poor 19:15

Push-ups in 2 minutes, same age group E 24 G 19 F 13

Sit-ups in 2 minutes, same age E 40 G 34 F29

SERIOUSLY? Is that a joke? Hooray for exercise, I think I can rip this to shreds!

Have a great day all...

Happy Friday

Happy Friday to you all. I ordered a RoadID yesterday, and they gave me a coupon code for all of my friends to save $1 if they wanted to order one. A dollar is a dollar right? I will post their email below.

We are thrilled to have you as a customer and hope that we can count on you to spread the word about Road ID. In fact, to make it fun to spread the word, we created a unique coupon for you pass along to your friends! Here's the coupon number:

Coupon Number: ThanksAmy435962

This coupon is good for $1 off any Road ID order. It can be used up to 20 times in the next 30 days. (until 01/05/09)

So, there you have it, you can share that coupon number with your friends if you want, because I'm sure 20 of you won't use it here. I don't have that many people even read my blog! I realize this is just a marketing ploy for them, but I'm always game to save a buck!

?

Bla bla bla, I'm emotionally tired from stressing myself out about being unemployed, although I think I have finally decided to go for it. I'm NOT a huge risk taker, but I have got to do something for myself, and living a miserable life is taking its toll. Good Tired, TiredTired according to Mizfit. Truth hurts sometimes. It will be rough, but I need to step outside the box and live my life. Crap, hold on, its going to be a bumpy ride.

Two posts in one day, aren't you all lucky

OMG, I just called and had a police academy application sent to my house, but it has to be filled out and delivered by Wednesday. Ekks. They have room in the class, and if I got in I would start Jan 12, that is so soon. What a whirlwind (cue nerves about being unemployed and insuranceless for the first time ever). Well, ever on the insuranceless and unemployed since the age of 14...

No guarantees, I have a lot of information collection to do between now and then...

Maintained

I am so excited to report that I didn't gain over Thanksgiving. The gym scale had me at 188 Monday night, so that was a super exciting sight to see. That really wasn't what made Monday night's gym visit so great though. Bizarre as it may sound, the gym was uber busy for the first time in a long time. That normally wouldn't make for a good experience, but it forced me to step outside of my normal cardio routine. All of "my machines" were full. I had to use something different. I even went and ran on the track since I couldn't get a treadmill. HOLY COW, what a great workout. I forgot how different it felt to go somewhere when you were running. Is it summer yet? I'm ready for some outdoor runs. I'm a huge wimp in cold weather, I hate being outside in the cold.

Moral of the story, even though I always feel like I'm getting a variety of cardio in my daily routine, being forced to step even further outside the box is often a good thing. I only did 60 minutes of cardio, but I was at the gym for and hour and half. It is amazing how many friends you make at your home away from home. It was so good to see everyone and just connect. If you haven't smiled and said hello to the person you see at your gym everyday, I would encourage you to do it. You may find a little extra support and motivation you never expected to get, and you may give that same thing in return. Boy, I sure sound sappy today. Guess a good sweat will do that to a girl!

Back in the saddle again

Monday December 1, what better day than today to be back on track. I feel great. I'm eating clean today. The hubs has been forced to listen to the Jillian Michael's podcast I keep downloading to my iPod, which I play in my truck. He seems to be catching on to this clean eating stuff as well. I will have an official weigh in for you tomorrow as I'm going to the gym tonight.

As a side note, I did end up going on Wednesday, and I did NOT eat Chinese (one crisis averted, too bad a drunken Thanksgiving followed. My family is too fun.)

Exercise has been non-existent since Wednesday. I guess I ran close to half a mile on Saturday. My dog fell in a well, and me in my snowboots, overalls, and coat had to run uphill to the house to get a lariat (aka-lasso and don't ask me why I even had one), ladder, spotlight, and manpower to help get him out. I was one sweaty gal. Luckily, Gus, my dog is fine, he gave us a real scare though. He was cold and wet, but lucky to be alive. Its amazing how dogs have such a way about them. Gus ran off with another one of my dogs, who did not leave his side the entire time. In fact, when we went down looking for them, he led us right to the well hole. Life is crazy sometimes.

Hope you are all back on track today, if you ventured off. If you didn't...way to go!

Snooze Button

Damn snooze button felt so good this morning that I didn't go to the gym. Which means I will make myself suffer by going this afternoon. It is my own fault, I take full responsibility, and I'm not allowing myself to skip as a result even though I really want to go home and relax. So, I'll be sweating my butt off here in a little bit. Anyone else?


Update: I locked my keys in my truck this morning. I still haven't gone to the gym, and now I'm so craving Chinese since I eat my emotions so well. It seems like the only thing that can make me feel better after being at work for 2.5 hours longer than necessary, and STILL not having a ride.

Only 2 Thanksgiving meals left

I'm half way there. I didn't do well with the second Thanksgiving meal. It wasn't actually the meal itself as much as cooking all day long. I ended up being full before we even ate the meal. But I still ate, OF COURSE. I don't know why I do that. I ate so much I got the hiccups. It was ridiculous. I also drank quite a bit, so when I weigh in next, it may be scary. My next weigh in will probably be Monday though since I'll be doing the gym in the morning tomorrow and then it will be closed Thursday.

All in all, I'm still hangin in there. I'm not giving it 100%, more like 75%, and that needs to change. I am back on track fully today, but I fear when I am on the road this week, I'll be back in the half-assed mode. I think my attitude is all wrong. I should just KNOW that I will do well on the road. I have two days to get that way. My dilemma is that I like big portions, which I can eat at home because I cook my stuff much lower calorie. So, I start to feel deprived on the road when I eat less to compensate for the higher calorie value (example, my dad always cooks the eggs in so much butter I could fall over, that would never happen at my house, I use spray for Pete's sake. I know his taste better, but sheesh.) Anyway, that is the dilemma, so what is the solution to still feeling satisfied with smaller portions?

Soup

Today has been an extremely good eating day. I have been eating a lot of soup, and that really helps keep the calories down. I finally went back to the gym this morning, and it felt GREAT. I'm so glad to go back. I'm going to be on the road for the weekend though, and so I need to figure out a way to get in some exercise those days without having to run in the cold. (I'm a bonafide wuss!)

I started my new meds today, so crossing my fingers. I feel kind of woozy on them, but hopefully that will improve in a couple days. I may have to start taking half a pill twice a day. I'm keeping my hopes up. One of these times I'll have to stumble across a something to help kick these migraines.

I'm really looking forward to this weekend. We are doing a Thanksgiving Extravaganza, but I am going to be around a lot of positive people who will make it easy to stay on track and not overdo third Thanksgiving celebration, and I have two more to go. I wish I didn't like pie so much. Pecan pie and pumpkin dessert are the devil this week. I think I'll pretend they are made from something nasty. Pumpkin looks like baby poop and pecans are dried up puke balls or something. Maybe it will work, or maybe I'll enjoy dessert. We'll just have to see!

Forced onto the scale

Duh, how could I forget that I would have to weight at the doctor's office? I was mortified when I realized it on the way to the appointment. Shit, I've been thinking I'd have a week to deal with any gains I had before I had to see what the scale showed. Crap, this is going to be very bad.

It wasn't bad at all. I was up half a pound. Sigh of relief. I've been logging calories religiously this week, so that probably saved me, but I know I need to keep it up if I am going to continue succeeding. I'm really excited to go visit my friend this weekend, we are having like a girl's only weekend, throwing a Thanksgiving Extravaganza, and then I am going shopping all day Monday with my Mom, a real dose of relaxation. CAN'T WAIT!

In other news, trying a different medication AGAIN, for the four millionth time. This one should make me less tired and less hungry. It doesn't suppress the appetite, but it shouldn't encourage it either. Phew. I asked about going to a migraine specialist and my doctor kind of flipped out slightly. I think if this new medication doesn't work, I'm going to switch doctors again. I asked him what could be causing the migraines, and he said, there is no cause, you just get them. I felt really uncomfortable at that point. Then he told me if I would go workout I'd feel better. Um HELLO?, I work out everyday (except less this week as mentioned yesterday). So, I felt really stupid and left dumbfounded. Such is life I guess. Hopefully the new meds will work and I can move on!

Good afternoon

Hooray, no Chinese today. I have been on track all day. I have eaten a little extra chocolate, but i have logged it into my journal, and will just cut back on supper tonight.

I haven't worked out once this week. It feels so weird not going to the gym. The crazy thing is, I don't feel guilty, but I do feel yuckier when I'm not working out. This has mostly been because instead of going to the gym after work, I've been going hunting, which requires some walking, but not enough to constitute my daily exercise. Will definitely have to get right back into the exercise mode as soon as season is over.

In other news, I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow. A follow-up to see if my new meds are working (they're not). Hopefully I can get him to refer me to a head specialist. I'm so tired of playing the medication game. Let's fix the problem, not treat the symptoms. I'm hopeful that this will be a good step if he'll go for it...

That's all for now, eat a little less, move a little more. Hooray for an easy theory on weight loss.

Miserable

Miserably full that is...oh crap, I had Chinese for lunch today. Fried Cream Cheese. Enough said.

Monday, Monday, la laaa la la laaa

It is Monday, again. When will I learn that the weekends are never long enough. I doubt I ever will. I gave myself the entire weekend to eat whatever I wanted, hoping that would help me to not feel so deprived coming into this week. It seems to have done this trick. Granted, by saying I could eat whatever I wanted, it wasn't like I relapsed to 250 lb eating. I cannot eat that much anymore without becoming miserable. I still ate past the point of comfortable twice this weekend, but I have not felt the unsatiable hunger today that I did the last two weeks.

On the nice side of things, I probably won't be weighing in this week as I will be out deer hunting in the afternoons. Hopefully you all won't think I'm a terrible person for that, but we eat all the meat, so it is not like I'm out killing something for fun. And, if you do think I'm a bad person, well I guess that gives you the power to quit reading my blog. Hooray for freedom of expression, and really cheap, lean meat. As far as not having to weigh in this week, it means I can possibily get my weight back down before I realize how much damage I actually did. And I won't be beating myself up mentally.

Okay, so now that I sound like a total redneck, have a great week everyone!

Starving, since 1982

I cannot keep my damn hands out of any food at all. For Pete's sake. My need to eat has been ridiculous. I'm already back up over my 189 mark, cue the violin. I have been drinking so much water my eyeballs are floating. I'm just not sure what to do. I feel so out of control when my mind (because it cannot be my stomach) tells me I'm starving, famished, and I just got done eating my whole meal. Sorry for the vent, but it seems like so much work to be busting my ass at the gym and then eating like a mad lady later. For once, I would like the appetite to just go away. Stupid taste buds anyway.

Otherwise, I have had a great week of workouts. I am still sore from my Tuesday workout, which seems next to impossible. It didn't seem that bad when I was doing it, but I'm glad it was so good. The trainer and I took it easy on Wednesday to try and heal up, but since I was still sore this morning, I think she just let me have it anyway (which was good, I have to burn those extra intake calories somehow).

Guess I'm just grumpy. I bet that goes away in a few hours when I leave work! Have a great weekend everyone. (PS-Here's a shout out to Jen, glad you are stopping by, I miss our regular convos, but I'm glad you are still around!)

Sore a$$

Wowzers, my trainer kicked my butt this week, literally. I can barely get in and out of my seat. She called me her guinea pig. It worked, I really got a good workout. Phew. Unfortunately, my eating has been less than desirable.

I went off of my migraine meds, which had too many side effects for my personal enjoyment, and ever since then, I have been sooo hungry. Blasted things. I liked them when they suppressed my appetite, so I shouldn't complain. I just have to retrain my body and mind. I'm trying yet another medication, we'll see how it goes. Blah. I hate side effects, I hate drugs. Why do doctors refuse to look at cause and only look at treatment? It is so irritating.

I do not really have anything enlightening to say, which is kind of a bummer. I have really enjoyed having a four day weekend, now it is back to the daily grind. Can't say I wouldn't mind long weekends every week. I should post more, but my mind must still be on vacation.

Hmmm, what to post

Ever run out of things to say? Life has been so busy, it seems I haven't had much time to post lately. I have been on the road A LOT for work. I think I'm finally done with that, but I'm taking off Monday, and Tuesday is a holiday, so I get a four day weekend. Hooray. I've been good with workouts, but eating has been really off since I have been on the road with my boss. He eats terrible, which makes it really difficult for me. It is really hard to find something healthy to eat when you go to ridiculously delicious places, like Steak n Shake, yummm.

Okay, moving along, so hopefully this weekend I can get back on track so I don't lose my fifty pound milestone for the second time this year. I don't want to back track again. It is so not worth it.

In other news, I'm still on the quest for the perfect "active job." I don't think I can wait another two years or so to go to college to wait this one out. I've been considering the police academy, but I have to come up with close to $4,000 to accomplish that...I refuse to take out a loan since I'm on the Dave Ramsey plan. Guess I'll really start saving, either way, even if I don't do it, that would give me the means for some kind of education.

Fifty

Wow, my creative is not flowing today, so this post may be relatively boring.

For those on the edges of their seats waiting to hear...Yes, I did make the 189 by Halloween goal. 188.8 was the official weigh in. So that makes the official 50 Pound Weight Loss mark. Hooray. I should act more excited, but it was on Friday, so the excitement has worn off for me a little. I need to stay out of leftover Halloween candy if I want that number to stick around!

Had a great personal training session today. We did a lot with bands. Something I'm not familiar with. I own bands, but I didn't know all the different moves you could do with them. Very exciting. I won't be posting Wed or Thurs as I will be on the road for work (story of my life the last couple weeks, reason for my slow posting habits).

Nothing else very exciting to post. I will brag about one nice perk I receive living in a rural area. I walked into my polling location today. I was the only voter. The only one, no line at all. I walked in, cast my vote. I was voter number 187. That was at noon. My, how I love rural America. No hour long wait to vote for this gal...happy election day America.

Is she under here?

So I haven't disappeared. I was at a conference this week, and then I have been swamped the rest of this week. I have been emotionally under the weather, but on the bright side of things, I have been using the gym to keep me sane. I think today when I go in to see if I meet my 189 by Halloween goal I may make it! I was at 189.2 Wednesday night, so how easy should it be right? Except that there is sooooo much Halloween candy around, and we are having a spooky potluck at work today.

Shanna, I'm giving you a shout out here right now. I need to email you, yes! I have not been around a computer until yesterday. Ekks. Hope the rest of you are staying sane with all the Halloween candy around. I will try to post more next week. I just don't have the physical time or the emotional energy. I'm swamped and being pulled too many different directions. I've been trying to read your blogs the best I can, but mostly I've been skimming them (did I spell that right?). Have a good weekend all! Happy Halloween.

Awesome workout

Had a great workout this am. The trainer had some new things for me to do, things that looked really hard (and were), but normally, I wouldn't be willing to try them on my own. I couldn't look like a sissy in front of her though. I did it! And it actually wasn't so bad. They were hard, but not so hard I wouldn't have been able to do it without her. Goes to show you shouldn't be so damn scared to try new things. I never would have tried to do some dips (not me in the picture, but damn I'd take her abs any day, and I had my feet different probably in more of a beginner pose) without her encouragement, but they were awesome, and totally not so bad.

Also, all morning she kept asking me if everything was too heavy, and I was feeling like such a wuss. I told her I must just be weak this morning. She says...No, I increased all your weights today, we're moving you on up girl. I was so pumped. Hooray. I'm making progress. I felt so buff and stuff, even though I am still the same person, and I really struggled. It just felt good. Hooray. Now, after all that eating out yesterday, I HAVE to keep calories in check this weekend. Wish me luck!

Trends

As it seems to be a trend for me, I get no workout again today. bummer.

I had to take a dog and cat to the vet this a.m., and I have meetings galore until about 9pm tonight. No fears, I have PT in the morning, so I shall be right back on track. The worst part is that I have to eat two meals out at horrible restaurants today. One Italian, ekkks for calories, not to mention that the food there isn't that great. One is Cajun, but I don't like fish or seafood, so I end up getting chicken, but most of their chicken is fried, so we'll have to see what happens.

I think I'll just order what I want and quit when I'm full, but idk. Ahhhh, all this pressure. Maybe I'll eat what I want for lunch and stick with salad for supper. Seems like a good plan for now. I hate not having a plan, but I may just have to play it by ear. I should have posted earlier so you could have left suggestions before I left. Oh well.

Hope you all have a great day. I'll be out of the office the rest of mine. See you all tomorrow.

Update: I found some chicken at lunch that wasn't fried, it was good but had WAY too much cheese. I normally order my sandwiches without cheese b/c I never miss the cheese, but today it sounded so good and truth be told, it had so much cheese, it ruined the sandwich. Or maybe I'm just not used to it anymore...I had fried onion rings with the sandwich though, no regrets, and they were freaking awesome.

Things that make you go hmmm

HOLY CRAP, I am thinking about going back to school. I have a master's degree for f***s sake. Why would I want to do that? B/c I really don't know if I'm in the right job for me. I am thinking about teaching PE. I may have mentioned this before. It would be a huge pay cute, but what a fun job that would be. Especially if it was elementary. I'm still researching my options, I'm looking at corporate recreation also. Not sure what to think...just something to make me go hmmmm.

My eating has been crappy today, but not so crappy I can't stay within my calorie range. I just need to CHILL right now. Its just after lunch time, and I'm just over 1,000. That is normally where I'm at as I get finished with my afternoon snack. Hmmmm.

Had a great morning workout, but I must have really worked it because I'm super tired this afternoon, that could also be attributed to a blood sugar crash from all the carbs I've eaten today. Hmmmm.

Wondering how many more times I'm going to say it? None, I'm done posting for today, see you tomorrow if I have time!

win it

If I can't someone should..this is so cool! Check out Mizfit's blog today for your chance to win a Lebert Equalizer. That thing is awesome. Too bad we cannot all win one and get in shape, but hey if one of us can get it, hooray, go check it out today.

Relaxed or bitchy

Hmmm, most people think bitchy? The girl who took my blood pressure last night said relaxed. I'd like to think relaxed, maybe I am bitchy. I really don't like my job right now, which leads to bitchiness. My boss asked if I was going to be like this for the next two years until this project was done. I'm not sure if I can stand this project for two years. Maybe that is a sign.

I had a goodish workout this a.m. The PT didn't want to work me very hard because I donated blood last night, but she did work me anyway. I didn't pass out. After we were done, I decided on light cardio...ie, the bike. I didn't feel like anything busy. It took me 60 seconds to decide that sucked, and I wanted to go home, so I went to the locker room to shower, got my shoes off and decided I couldn't possibly quit. So I put them back on and did 20 minutes on the treadclimber. I still didn't want to do the bike. I really just am in a funk. I want to sit in a chair at home and relax! I think I need a vacation. All in all, I got in a good sweat, it was just a mediocre day at the gym, nothing fancy, but enough to say I didn't slack.

Hopefully tomorrow will feel more peppy. I think this weekend was such a let down that I cannot seem to move on...

1700 and Jerk Alert

The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly was my alternate title, I think I will blog in that order:

The good: I have decided to try and mix things up by lowering my calorie intake to 1700. I've been at 1800 since I weighed 239 lbs, so it probably wouldn't hurt to try and drop it. I don't know if I'll be able to do it, but it is worth a shot.

The bad: I was horrible this weekend. We ate out every meal, and I had tons of cake, greasy and alcohol. Totally expecting a gain this week. Sunday was okay, I was back on track and did some activity. I'm really eating well again today also.

The ugly: At the bar Saturday night, one of my really good friend's husband met my brother for the first time. His comment to my husband was "How did he get to be the skinny one in the family?" WTF???? I'm really surprised my husband didn't hit him. If I would have known, I probably would have hit him. It's a good thing I didn't know until later. My husband stood up for me, and thankfully did NOT start a barfight. Seriously, this guy is like very overweight himself. And hello, WTF??? Who says that? I'm still not sure if I'm in disbelief or just unbelievably pissed. I haven't said anything to his wife who is one of my good friends because I know it will cause problems, but I know I'm not going to hang out with them anymore b/c of that. What would you do? This is freaking ridiculous. What an ass. I'm so upset. How do you learn to move on when people say shit like that?

Didn't plan on posting today, but how fun is this

Okay, Natalia at Embracing the Weight Loss Journey is playing a game...Her blog says and I quote...

"I saw this easy meme and tagged myself. The rules were to open up the My Pictures section on my computer and post the 4th photo from the 4th folder."

This looked like too much fun! But I cheated and put three pictures because it was my dog folder and I couldn't showcase just one, so you had to see all three of them. So I guess I didn't play fair. It was still a fun game. The top picture was my fourth picture, that is Adio and Corky. Piper is next, then Gus at the bottom (who is much bigger now!).

No workout, not by choice

So, I have two meetings tonight...no workout in my plans, but I will be meeting my PT at 6:30 tomorrow morning for a good workout. And I am breaking my no alcohol rule because it is homecoming in a college town this weekend, and my brother is coming to visit. So, I expect to see a gain next week. DAMN B.

Shit happens. I don't have much more to post. I'm within calories today, really doing well, even saved a lot for a piece of cake tonight at our meeting, that's some planning y'all...

Not sure if I'll check in tomorrow or not, if not have a grand weekend!

50 states, bucket list

Totally excited. So I think I have an uber fun goal that can change a little (with same principle) as I get older, but the hubby and I have made a goal of running a 5K in every state. 50 states, 50 5Ks. Sounds like fun to me. I figure it could be a 10K and count, or whatever, but as long as it is at least an organized 5K with a t-shirt for proof, it counts.

He was on board, and I'm so excited. It could be that we are 60 years old before we can afford to make it to Hawaii, and I'm in no hurry to go back to Alaska it was so darn cold (we'll have to try to go during the summer). But I think this is going to be so much fun. He's got a lot of training to do to catch up. He's naturally thin (stupid men), but he's definitely not in shape, so he'll have to work on it. I think he could run faster, but not that far.

As much fun as this sounds, I'm really dreading the gym tonight. Bla. I'll go though. Because that is what a good little girl should do. I weighed in at 190.1 last night. I half expect to see that number go up tonight. I have had really large suppers the last couple nights sending my calories way over, and you cannot maintain a loss at that rate. My goal for today is to keep my calories in check! I want so badly to get back to 189.0, that is my 50 lb loss spot. So close, yet so far.

quicky

No, I'm not having a quicky, this is a quick post.

I have been uber busy at work. I do not predict this situation to ease up. I do not predict I will be checking in very regularly. Sad thing is, I'd rather read your blogs than update mine. I'm heading to the gym quickly tonight before I go to a meeting at 7:00. I have been asked to sit on the board for our local Humane Society, which is something I feel strongly about. I cannot stand watching animals suffer. I live in rural America, so I still hunt and fish. The Humane Society is the dog pound here in rural America if that means anything. I have adopted all of my animals, unless they were rescued in some other form or fashion, we don't "buy" our animals because we know there are too many out there that need help.

Anyway, that has nothing to do with weight loss, but it is what I am doing tonight right after the gym, so I guess it counts as part of my evening. I have to do gym, that, then supper. I will miss House season opener. Darnit. At least the mom-in-law will be taping Biggest Loser. I need to go so I can check all your blogs. I'll try to post a weigh in tomorrow!

Did It

I did it. I talked myself into a workout yesterday. I couldn't hardly judge the "lazy" folks on BL for having a lack of motivation when I wasn't doing it myself, so I went to the gym. I said I'd just do a half hour of light cardio, but you see other people actually sweating and start to get jealous. It just sort of happens. You start of with a light cardio routine, and before you know it, you just have to go harder, challenge yourself to do more, harder, better. I had a good workout, I only stayed for thirty minutes, but I did a good thirty minutes, AND I'm feel so much better today. I'm so glad I went.

I went back this a.m., and I am done for today. I did a half hour of cardio followed by a half hour of training with my PT. It is always good to be done early on a Friday. That way you can enjoy Friday evening. We are going on a double date tonight with some friends, so I have that to look forward to. I don't ever go to the movies, because truth be told, I'm cheap. Once in a while I guess it is okay to splurge.

Oh, and I guess since I went to the gym last night I have a weigh in to report. It wasn't as big of a loss as I wanted to report, but it is a loss. 191.2-which is done 1 lb from last week, and only 2.2 lbs from my Halloween goal of 189. Hopefully I can stay on track this weekend, but we have a lot planned. Hope you are all doing swell, yup, I just said swell. I need to get to work. Have a great weekend. I have Monday off, so I'll see you all on Tuesday!

Back in the lower 48

So I'm back in Missouri, and I brought a miserable head cold with me! I'm sick as can be, but it doesn't matter because I'm just so happy to be home. I really should go workout after work because I didn't go at all yesterday, but it is so hard to be motivated when your head weighs 170 lbs. I did fairly well with my eating habits during the whole trip I think. I guess we'll see when I get on the scale tonight, if I do decide to go the gym. Otherwise I'll see next week.

It was a long flight back 5.5 hours into Minneapolis, and then another hour to Kansas City, after that, I had a two hour drive home. Talk about jet lag. I got home in time to watch the Biggest Loser. I really don't think this season has been as motivating as season's past. The group just seems to be half assing it, waiting for the weight to come off. Maybe it is just me. I'm slowly motivating myself to go to the gym I guess. I can't really judge everyone on there and sit here and bitch about a head cold.

I'm hoping if I go to the gym it will show my weigh in close to my Halloween goal of 189, so I can start striving towards my Christmas Challenge goals of 175, which seems next to impossible. Well, I'm rambling, so if I would get some work done I could go to the gym, then get out of here so I could go let my mutts run tonight. I'm going to post a picture of me on my harbor tour in Alaska. I had to wear a hard hat and bright jacket. I was a the control of a container ship. I like to pretend to be in control a lot, I suppose a shrink could really analyze the picture if he/she wanted to...

Oh, PS, I think I was called skinny for the first time ever in my life in Alaska, but it was by an old guy and he was just sucking up for no good reason, but I still really enjoyed his style of sucking up. What a nice old man he was.

More

This is the nature trail I walked this morning, and the blue ice below is part of a glacier that broke of and drifted out in the lake.

Pics

Freezing my butt off up north

Alaska is amazing. Except my wifi is messed up and I cannot us my pc, so I'm standing in the hotel lobby right now. This is going to be a super short post. I will try to upload some pictures later if I have a chance, but no promises.

I'm walking a ton! No car, my conference is in a different hotel, plus I am doing a ton of touring. I have been all over Anchorage by way of my little two feet, and I'm still trying to get in my daily cardio at the gym. I'm not counting calories while I'm here, but trying to keep in tune with my bodies needs. I did go overboard tonight at the conference banquet, but not as bad as in the past, and I avoided ALL alcohol even though it was free. Yeah me!

Weird thing about Alaska, they seem to be really limited on fresh fruit and veggies in the restaurants. They can't grow their own stuff, so it all has to be shipped in. It took me two days to find a banana. I almost hugged the server when he said that I could buy two for the road. A cup of fruit and one yogurt cup cost me $8 this morning and the fruit was horrible. Cost of living here is outrageous, but food seems to be the highest. I think they told me a gallon of milk is upwards of $6-$7. I'm from the midwest, a gallon of milk is less than $5. I was shocked. Anyway, I'm on a time limit here in the lobby, I'll work on a couple pics for later!

Hope you are all doing well.

Its Friday (for me kind of)

I leave for Alaska tomorrow. Hooray. I'm really excited, but I need to get my winter coat out tonight. I'm on a really boring conference call right now. We are talking about waste oil burners. I hate the government. They want to have a hand in everything. It is so stupid.

I had a great workout yesterday morning. I haven't been able to use the bathroom without using my PT's name in a sentence with expletives. My legs hurt so bad. I love it. I earned every minute of that pain! I think I will go to the gym for a quick workout after I get done with this "meeting."

I finally got to watch the BL episode last night, and it partially pissed me off, partially made me understand a few things. First of all, I don't think they have lost as much weight this year as past years, but I also don't think they have put the effort into it this year like they have in years past. I have not put effort into my weight loss this year like I did last year, hence I haven't seen the results, hmmmm. Coincidence, I think not. I couldn't believe those people all sat around and took naps. I believe the film editors probably made everyone look lazier than what they truly were, but it made for good tv I suppose. Anywho, I suppose I should get back to paying attention to this call.

Hope you all have a great weekend. I'll try to post pictures of Alaska when I get there! Uploading a random wedding pic, we road off on our Harleys...

very quickly

My legs are jello, thank you personal trainer. And I didn't even have to do lungs across the gym. I hate those.

I am typing really fast because I have got to get to work on balancing the check book while I have a few minutes left before lunch is over. I have a migraine today. Stupid pills. Nah, its not their fault. Life happens sometimes. I forgot my excederin at home. I usually always have some in my purse, but I forgot to restock last night.

Hope you are all doing well. I had a light lunch, but nothing sounded very good. I have been such a sweet freak since I started my new meds. I don't normally need them this badly. I'm also PMSing, just realized that as I was typing this. Ding, the light clicks on...

I cannot wait to go watch BL that the mother in law taped for me last night. I was too busy traveling back from the little brother's football game, which they lost, horribly btw (66-0). Little bro did awesome though, 2 great catches and an interception, plus he's the kicker and did an outstanding job at that. Such is life, you win some, you lose some. Have a great day all.

Good Morning

Good Morning Everyone. What a lovely fall day it is here in rural Missouri. I LOVE this weather! I'm so glad I started this new medication. It was a rough beginning, and I don't always feel the best, but I feel like 86% better than I used to, which was lousy, so that is a HUGE improvement.

I went to the gym last night and had an awesome workout. I actually woke up in the middle of the night and couldn't figure out why I was so sore on my sides. We worked our obliques in ab class, yeah, successfully. Wooo. Then I got up and did an hourish this morning of cardio. probably closer to 50 minutes if you take all my time fooling around and switching gym equipment. I wanted to switch things up this morning. What can I say? Tomorrow and Thursday both I have an appointment with the trainer, so I'll be up early both days too.


Oh wait, I forgot to mention. Happy dance. Since I went to the gym last night, I got to weigh in...weight for it, weight for it (pun intended, duh I misspelled it for pete's sake), drumroll please....192.2! I think I'm going to hit the 189 mark by Halloween for sure. As long as I behave in Alaska this weekend. No excuse to party hardy while I'm up there. I have been super bitchy with this whole no alcohol thing. It sucks a whole lot, but that plus the topamax thing are really helping the scale start to budge, so I cannot bitch about that! So I guess I'll just have to stick with it. How's everyone else doing? Hope you are all doing grand. Random thought, but I was so surprised not to have any rants or raves about the cheeseballs yesterday!

Also super excited b/c I get to go watch my little bro play jr high foot ball today, go little bro! I'll be the psycho loud sister cheering, okay not enough to embarrass him or anything, but you get the point.

Ramble and Roll

Hello, and how are you all? Its a fall day here, which would normally really excite me. It does excite me. I'm definitely down today. I found out a buddy of mine passed away this weekend, and I'm going to his visitation tonight after I go to the gym. He won't care what I smell like.

It really put a damper on my day. Not to mention hubs is having a bad time with his new job. He found out they are doing a bunch of unethical crap, and he is a Christian man with morals, so he's already looking for a job after being at this job for only a week. Doesn't look very good on a resume.

Anyway, enough of my pity party. Life is really okay. I'm not broke, or living in way that I'm doing without. I am just sad to have lost my friend and feel bad for hubs. Looking forward to going to the gym tonight. I'll have to hurry my workout slightly since I'll have the visitation.

Other than that, I did emotionally eat at lunch. I had cheese balls. Yum. I love those little fried balls of ooey gooey goodness. The grease was horrible. I had to link to the image because there was no way I could make everyone look at them without getting hungry. Although, I actually linked to cheese curds, which are slightly different, only in the type of cheese that are inside. Most cheese balls have cheddar, or some type of yellow cheese inside, while often, cheese curds have a white inside I think. One meal will not get me off track though. I will skip my afternoon snack and eat a smaller supper. Have a great evening all.

Finally

I'm finally having a good day. I don't feel like I'm about ready to die! I have my gym bag packed, and the boss is letting us off work a few hours early. So I should be able to beat the 5 o'clock rush. Ya, right. My gym never has a 5:00 rush on Fridays. In fact, no one ever shows up on Fridays. So, I'm setting the standards today.

I really don't have a lot to talk about today. I feel free. I have been waiting to feel this good forever it seems like. I loved Shanna's analogy today about losing her keys. I hope she finds mine. Maybe mine will be at the gym. I have been terrible. I haven't raised my heart rate since Monday (not even for sex), that's right, I'll admit it. I've been going home and passing out almost immediately. Its awful. Not tonight. I'm going to the gym, then going home to clean the house, cook some supper.

Wow, what a relief today has been. I didn't think I was capable of still feeling normal. I'll check in Monday and let you all know how the weekend went. And it kills me to admit this...staying away from the alcohol hasn't been all that bad for me. Wow, that was tough to type!

Oh, and how exciting, only seven days until I leave for Alaska!

Not Posting Today

Unless you count this, which I don't. See you Monday probably, I'll just be a lurker.

Hump Day

Shanna probably took that title the wrong way. Go get em girl. Hee Hee. Btw, thanks for the award, I feel honored. I won an award, I won an award. Neener neener. I'm supposed to pass this on to four people who really inspire me, and I have so many it is hard to choose. I'm passing it on, but I'm not sure if these ladies will even see it because I'm so few and far between on readers, but I don't care, these people still inspire me:

Linda-Fat Don't Wrinkle
Butterfly-I can see it in your face
Kari-Taking back control
Sara-Trisaratops Lounge



Okay, so what a great day. I'm so glad I finally went to the doctor. I am starting a new medication this evening, he's doing blood tests to relieve my worries, and I'm trying to take good advice and not say I'm tired out loud once today. So far so good.

I cannot read everyone's blogs today b/c I haven't seen last night's Biggest Loser yet. Its killing me smalls. I'm totally going to be glued to the VCR (that's right, you read it, VCR, NOT Tivo) tonight. I'm ready for this one.

Anyway, I've been mostly on track. Calories have been slightly high, but not outrageous, and I've done really well today. I'm really looking forward to this appetite loss, hopefully it takes away boredom hunger too! Right...

Like my need to randomly talk about nothing today? I feel like I'm all Jacked up on Mt. Dew, I might sissy kick you, did someone talk about my pee pants?

PS

PS,

How weird is it that after losing 45 lbs, I finally have a doctor tell me that I'm overweight and it isn't good for me? I actually thanked him for being honest. Seriously, I was almost 50 lbs heavier and my old, as in former, as in won't go back, doctor never once said, honey, you're doing your body wrong. Live better or die.

I probably would have cried 50 lbs ago if a doctor would have made the comment, but geesh, it would have been true. It still is, only now I know it and I'm working on it...

Doctor's orders, yuck

The doctor has to say..no alcohol. Its like he's ripping my world apart. I've been thinking about cutting back, but NO alcohol. Ekks. We'll see. He changed my migraine medication. I will be taking topomax now. I really don't mind the stuff I've been on, but rumor has it this new stuff may work for me. We'll see. It has the added bonus of being an appetite reducer (I couldn't spell suppressant...) Its almost like cheating.


I hope it works, they are going to run some blood tests just to make sure it isn't thyroid, diabetes, or leukemia (which sounds weird right, but runs in my family). I'd take a simple solution to the problem, but don't want to have to deal with a long term issue. I just want to feel like the tiredness is not my fault. I hate feeling like I'm to blame for wanting to sleep all the time. It stresses me and the hubby out.

No workout today b/c I'll be on the road. Going to go watch my brother play jr. high football. Have to cheer him on! Also means I get to leave work early, hoooorah.

See you all tomorrow or Thursday.

TIRED

So tired, that is my only response to hi how are you...?

I have been so tired for a few months now, I have even found myself starting to doze off behind the wheel. Woke up less than an inch from a semi truck one day. I am finally going to the doctor tomorrow. I don't feel depressed, but I don't have any other symptoms of thyroid issues. I wish I could type more, but I'm just at a loss today. I'm giving up on trying to pretend to feel peppy. Hopefully we can get some blood tests done tomorrow and get an idea what has been making me feel like a zombie.

I go from awake to heavy sleep/dreams in less than five minutes, this can't be normal. I can do this at any given time of the day, in any given location. In fact, I have to fight not to do it all day long. What gives?

Friday and Chinese Food

The longest week ever is almost over. I cannot wait. Is it time to go home yet? No, but if I'd get off here and get some work done I could go home. I have to go to Wal-Mart and go shopping for my big tire collection at work tomorrow. We collect tires from ditches and recycle them into playground equipment, etc. It is a fun day, but a lot of work, and I'm not ready yet.

I had a really bad night Wednesday, which I didn't talk about earlier. I had an animal catastrophe, and in the process I pulled/pinched a muscle in my neck. I have had a serious migraine for like three days now (something I already suffer from on a regular basis). I probably need to schedule an appointment with my doctor to get a referral, but I hate wasting money on the damn doctor. I've been on so many medications it is ridiculous. The one they have now messes with my brain because it is actually used to treat seizures and bi-polar, so I guess if I feel like having a seizure or drastic mood swing I'm covered, but it still makes me feel duh a lot.

I'm just glad my workout for the day is done so I can go home and lay down after work. I need to do chores, but those involve the animal catastrophe previously mentioned, and I'm not sure I'm ready to get into that yet. Oh well, such is life.

Bad thing is, hubby's last day at his job is today (he starts a new one Monday), so he wants to go out for Chinese to celebrate. I always fall victim to crab rangoon. I just know my calories are going to be miserably bad today. I was super hungry after my workout and I have already had 1025 for the day. Looking at over 2,000 by the time I eat Chinese. Dang girl. Guess I'll have to work extra hard tomorrow throwing tires! Hope you all have a grand weekend.

Save the World

Do you ever have those days when you want to save the world? You want to yank fried food out of everyone's hands and tell them how it is so bad for them. The problem for me is that I want to eat it once I have saved them from it. Seriously, I feel so reflective today. I really haven't figured out what I want to do with life. I have a good job and make good money, but am I happy? Ehhh. I like the thought of teaching. Reading, PE? That is so weird since I literally HATED, DESPISED PE as a child/teenager.


I would still never make the students do gymnastics. Those made me cry. I can't do a damned cartwheel, so leave me the f alone. The teachers never understood that. They embarrass you in every way possible. Maybe I want to do it so badly to be one that can make a difference.


On the bright side of things, I'm down for my weigh in this week. Hooray. Happy dance. Whooooo HOOOOOO. 193.4. Now, I shouldn't be so happy since I already lost this weight once, but it is closer to my short term goal of 189 by Halloween, which at this point is so totally doable! DUH. 189 has been my lowest ever, but I set a goal on Chubby Chick's Christmas Challenge of 175 by Christmas and that goal scares the living shit out of me. I don't know if I can do it, but I'm going to try hard.

Last ramble for the day. I had the best run I've had in a long time last night. I did a 5K on the treadmill in just under 34:00, which is good time for my slow butt. I sweat like crazy. It felt good because I wasn't sure if I could still run that far (I totally would slack on running everyday for the rest of my life, but it is so good for me). Hope everyone else is doing grand!

I heart BL

I cannot say it enough. I heart BL in every way. Now I know a lot of people hate BL because of the false promise, etc etc, but really I do not care. I get motivated watching the show. I want those people to succeed! I feel like every emotion they are experiencing I either have, am, or will experience. I get way to involved. I think I started to tear up like six times last night (at least).

I love the yellow team at this point, which I'm sure can change like 15 times before the end of the season, but that daughter has worked so hard to save her dad. It just gives you a feel good emotion. And Heba, I think her hubby is kind of a dickweed, but she is so sweet. I want her to kick some major butt. Wait, let me say it again. I heart BL. And everyone loves Bob, who I just don't see it, he's so little, but Jillian, she is the kind of trainer you want to please. I need to ask my trainer to scream in my face maybe. Okay, probably not, but you get the point.

I stayed up watching BL until midnight because I had a late night meeting, so I feel kind of delirious today, but I don't care. All I really want to do now is go to the gym. Guess why. I feel inspired. That and I'm a real nerd. NBC does not have this show on air to save lives, they just want to make some moooooney, but how many people do you really think get inspired watching the show? It just hits home. So anyway, I guess now that I gushed I should admit that I went over my calories yesterday by 205. Bummer. I was on track to stay under and caved to a piece of pizza. Why I didn't watch BL before I shoved my face with grease, I don't know. I'll make up for it today with a great workout and tighter calorie budget. All will be well with the world. Its all good.

On track

Being on track feels really good. I'm so on my way to a week of good eating. Which has definitely been my problem, not the exercise. Actually, the real problem has been the drinking, and I have decided that I need to put a stop to this habit. My liver is currently drying out. It feels great. It isn't as fun, or as relaxing to not drink, but it feels good, and I feel better. That was a lot of commas in one sentence.

Yesterday my personal trainer had me use boxing equipment to for my workout. OMG! It was amazing. Not only did I get to punch out aggression, but I also am sore as hell today. Although we lifted weights today, and I think I strained my right hand. Is that possible? It is so damn sore. Anyway, morale of the story, punching at a human is fun. I would recommend it any day. Even my abs were sore at the end.

Hmm, anything else is just not important at this point. I'm really trying to forget how much I hate my job right now and stick to the happy things in life. It has been hard the last few weeks, but things will slow down here sooner or later, and I can try to like this place again. It makes it really hard not to stress eat, but not drinking will help me on that note too. Hope everyone else is doing well. I'm planning to post a weigh in on Thursday. I didn't even post on the CC Christmas Challenge b/c I weigh in the afternoons and have been regularly hitting the gym in the a.m. to see my trainer. I want to be consistent, so I stay off the scales in the morning. Makes no sense except that I figure by weighing in at my highest point in the day, I'll never be disappointed later with a higher number. Weird random thoughts from my head.

Work

Have you ever had a week at work when you just didn't want to be there? I guess it means I'm working on projects I really don't enjoy, or maybe I feel like I'm not doing a good job at the projects I am working on. It always makes me wonder what I really want to be when I grow up. I enjoy talking about weightloss, healthy eating, and exercise, but do I really want to do those things for a job, and in what capacity?

I guess this probably doesn't have a lot to do with weight loss, except that I'm an emotional eater, and boredom is an emotion. When the day passes slow as molasses, my stomach is constantly "growling," even though it really isn't because I'm really truly probably not hungry. The thing is, I can't really tell the difference.

Quick subject change: we went out to eat for work today, and I ordered soup and salad. I didn't order the most healthy soup or salad, I got broccoli cheese soup, ekks, and ceasar salad, double ekks. On the bright side of things, they topped my salad with tons of tomatos, parma cheese, and croutons. I HATE TOMATOES! So, I had to pick all the topping off, cheese and croutons included. Saved myself tons of calories unintentionally. I probably would have never scraped them off just because I wanted to...thing was, the salad didn't taste any different without them. The really problem was, it still tasted like those nasty little diced tomatoes, so I left most of it and filled up on soup. I hate going out to eat because it always leaves me craving fried food. So I think I'll hit the store when I get off work, and pick up some Ore Ida Onion Rings. I can't eat very many, but I can put them in the oven, control the serving size, and have what I crave within reason. I guess I could buy fiber one cereal, onions, and make my own for even fewer calories. We'll see how lazy I feel. I may get both in case I screw up the homemade ones. I'd hate that craving multiplying in intensity.

Thursday

Today, I want to wish all of all soldiers an extra prayer, along with all of the families who lost someone in the 9/11 attacks. Our prayers are with you.

Its Thursday. One day before Friday. I have had the longest week of my life! I just want the weekend to be here already, but I don't think the time is going to fly by in any easy manner. Work has been so hectic, and I just don't feel motivated to be here.

On the bright side of things, the gym has been a great relief mechanism for venting some of that frustration. It has been so great to find such support from the online blogs. I feel more motivated to stay true to myself after reading everyone else's struggles and triumphs.

Can anyone give me advice on how to make my blog have a fun (preferably surfing) background. I have tried multiple times to download a blog template, but it hasn't been working. At this point you would think I should be smart enough to make it work. When did technology become so complicated. I guess I'm resistant, because I refuse to get rid of my VCR~

Hooray

So I finally feel a slight forward momentum. What a relief. I have been eating regularly for a couple days, spent a good amount of time at the gym, and saw my first weight LOSS in nearly 4 months. It was only .8 lbs, but still, it was rewarding to see that the scale can go down again. Hopefully this isn't a fluke of nature, but I'm taking it as a loss and celebrating (not with food of course).

I feel almost back to normal with my motivation levels. I have still been tired, but I quit taking my migraine medicine and it has really helped eliminate some of my lost daze personality. I hate feeling like I'm comatosed (spelling? really who knows how to spell that?).

Thanks girls for sticking with me. I really need this support and look forward to seeing the scale continue to decline! How bout a wedding picture for good measure...I should point out this is my Dad, and it was a jeans and t-shirt wedding. I just surprised the crowd with a dress.

not on track

So truthfully, I'm still not on track. I would like to fool myself into believing that I am, but I just ate a donut, seriously. After a big breakfast. My calories haven't been under 1800 in like 3 months. On track my a** right? Admit it Amy, you are NOT back on track. Dang. I need to find my own level of commitment I guess. What has happened to my choice to live healthy? I'm not choosing to eat appropriately or healthfully. THIS IS NUTS. When do I say enough is enough? SHEESH!

Post wedding sleepiness

Quick note to say I haven't disappeared. I did terrible with food this weekend as expected (it was my wedding...duh). But hubby and I are ready to eat heathy again. My goal is to be down to at least 189 by Halloween. I'm sure the last couple weeks have me up to about 195-196 again, depending on the day. I will do an official weigh in on Friday hopefully. Sorry this has been so irregular!

Blog Happy

Good golly you'd think I like to post a lot, and I haven't even said much of value today! Check out my wedding dress!

Hooray, I won an award!

How exciting is this! Shana at A Gym Rat's Tale nominated me for an award! I feel so honored. I am not sure I am worthy of this award, yet. I hope that I can get better at this blogging thing, and maybe actually I'll get more than 3 people to read my blog, but I LOVE my three readers, and I wouldn't trade them for the world. So now, I'm supposed to nominate 7 people, and I will do so, but I am fully aware that most of these people have no idea my blog exists! Oh well, can't say I didn't try!

Running from the pudge

Thinking Thin Too

FAT BRIDESMAID

The Trisaratops Lounge

I can see it in your face

101 Reasons I Hate Being Fat!

Journeying to Lose 200 Pounds... The Triumph of Perseverance

Crazy Busy

Wow, so I guess I haven't posted forever, but it isn't because I've fallen off the wagon; it is because I'm super busy! I'll be back with a full posting soon, but probably not really exciting stuff until all of this wedding planning is over. Ekks, it got super busy all of a sudden!

Feeling much better

Wow, no pity party today. I feel much better. I had a great day for calories yesterday, and am on track today. I also had a great workout this a.m., doing 30 minutes of cardio and 30 minutes with my trainer. Hopefully I can keep this streak going. Day 2, so far, so good.

I'm getting married this month, so the stress of wedding time arrangements seems daunting right now too. We are having a simple wedding, jeans and t-shirts, beer and cake, but it seems like there are more details to worry about than there should be...picture of us (few beers into the night).

I've decided not to weigh in this week b/c like so many other people, I find the scale to push my mood one way or another. I know that since it is that TOM, my weight will be up, along with my horrible weekend, so I'll skip a week and hope that I stayed level or went down over a two week time period. Here's to hoping.

Thanks to the ladies who gave food suggestions. I appreciate those and will look at my protein: carb ratio in my food journal. It may be skewed towards carbs and protein may be the missing link!

In A Funk

Wow, so I have been in a food funk for like 3 months now (at least). My weight has been rocking back and forth between a five pound range for almost six months, and these last few weeks seem to have been the hardest for me.

I'm really considering consulting with a dietitian (even though there are not really any close to me in the area). It seems when I eat within my calorie range, I feel so hungry, and I'm not sure if my activity level is substantial enough to really put me in the next highest calorie range. My personal trainer thinks I might need more, but she wasn't sure, and my doctor said no. So, I feel torn, mostly because my doctor is such a goof, I really need a new one.

I'm yammering on about a bunch of nothing. I have no gym plans for tonight since I have to go to two city council meetings before I can go home. Maybe I'll put a dog on a leash and go for a run, but after such a long day at work, I usually just want to relax. I guess I'm just whining a lot today, and I should probably put my pity party to rest, but it won't happen until I get a good sweat and day on track with calories (my whole weekend was HORRIBLE!!!!!).

Hope you are all doing better than I did!

Spaghetti AGAIN

Are you kidding me? Yesterday, I ate for "fun" rather than for fuel yet again. I say fun, but I always feel miserable when I'm done! The worst part is that it wasn't even Spaghetti. It was Ramen noodles. Ekks. I had a horrible eating day yesterday. Pizza/Pasta buffet for lunch, and sweet corn on the cob with Ramen noodles for supper. How ridiculous. Talk about carb overload. The good news, I'm doing GREAT today. I've had whole grains, low sodium, and Shanna over at A Gym Rat's Tale has me feeling motivated. Thanks Shanna!

I missed my personal training this a.m., but definitely not on purpose. We had a scheduling mishap, and I'm going to get off early to go workout so I can make up for my lack of planning today. I can usually remember a good portion of the moves we do, so I'll try to mimic a session and then do a good cardio routine to follow up this afternoon.

I've been really trying to shake up my cardio routine, but it is so hard to do. I feel like I'm in a rut. I alternate b/w the treadmill, bike, eliptical, treadclimber, and track sprints, but I'm not sure what new stuff to try. Does anyone else ever feel this way? What are good activities to really make you sweat?

Swim Lessons

Here are the pics from my last lesson. I'm so ready to surf now. Okay, maybe some more practice in the pool first. (unfortunately I haven't ate well today, so I guess in my mind spaghetti must have trumped surfing, bummer). I hate the first picture too!