There is only one way to describe my recent eating habits, and that is out of control. This is a long ranting post, so please don't feel like you have to read, but I have to make my confession. I have probably been eating around 3,000-4,000 calories a day for at least two weeks. I'm doing OK today because I realize I have to make the choice, but I'm really struggling. I "feel" hungry. I think I am hungry. I'm just not sure. I think it is stress eating, since I'm a lot nervous about being unemployed and going back to school.
I eat a whole meal, and then I could sit down and eat the whole thing again. I am feeling deprived. I'm worried if I don't eat EVERYTHING now, it won't be there later. I don't know how to move past this. I have done it before and I can do it again, the problem is getting to that point. I feel good when I eat, I don't feel bad until I'm done gorging.
I am really venting. It is so hard to get back on track. It is really easiest to just stay on track and then not have to go through this process again, but somehow I forget that. I feel like an emotional trainwreck. I feel upset and angry that I got to this point again. I'm trying really really hard right now to stay out of the kitchen, and all the gum, tic-tacs, or water in the world isn't helping. This must be self-pity, because I cannot figure out what else it might be. I just feel like a fake and phony. I do so well, only to be derailed and fall off the wagon over and over...
10 months ago