The Damage

6 pounds. The damage from the month of December was SIX POUNDS. I just wanted to type it clearly so I could make sure I understood the importance of that number. Those six pounds have made me sluggish, sore, uncomfortable in my clothes, unhappy, and I lost my fifty pound title. Its amazing how much better my body and mind feel when I'm being healthy and smart about my choices.

I'm okay. I am glad I got to see the number on the scale last night. It was a good reminder to quit whining, put my head up, and deal with what I've done. I really appreciate everyone's support yesterday and today. I know it help me tremendously. My calories were at 1,800 yesterday. Higher than target, but considering my body has been used to 3,000 or more a day, I was okay with that number. It was a number to help me move back into the goal range of 1,600 or so.

I've drank so much liquid the last two days I feel like I'm ready to float away. All things combined, I know I can do this. The body rebounds well. It is an amazing organism. Even when I don't treat it right, it still comes back for me...

In other news, I heard a newscast this morning about a local radio crew who tried to see who long they could go without complaining about anything....one lady went 21 days! That's amazing. I bet I cannot go a whole day, which is pathetic, and why I'm going to make a conscious effort to twist negatives into positives and not complain at all the rest of this year. I know two days doesn't seem like much, but baby steps here...Hope you all have a complaint free day too!

Out of Control

There is only one way to describe my recent eating habits, and that is out of control. This is a long ranting post, so please don't feel like you have to read, but I have to make my confession. I have probably been eating around 3,000-4,000 calories a day for at least two weeks. I'm doing OK today because I realize I have to make the choice, but I'm really struggling. I "feel" hungry. I think I am hungry. I'm just not sure. I think it is stress eating, since I'm a lot nervous about being unemployed and going back to school.

I eat a whole meal, and then I could sit down and eat the whole thing again. I am feeling deprived. I'm worried if I don't eat EVERYTHING now, it won't be there later. I don't know how to move past this. I have done it before and I can do it again, the problem is getting to that point. I feel good when I eat, I don't feel bad until I'm done gorging.

I am really venting. It is so hard to get back on track. It is really easiest to just stay on track and then not have to go through this process again, but somehow I forget that. I feel like an emotional trainwreck. I feel upset and angry that I got to this point again. I'm trying really really hard right now to stay out of the kitchen, and all the gum, tic-tacs, or water in the world isn't helping. This must be self-pity, because I cannot figure out what else it might be. I just feel like a fake and phony. I do so well, only to be derailed and fall off the wagon over and over...

Merry Christmas Everyone

Hope you all have a grand holiday. I've been struggling the last two days with my eating and cardio (I have at least been to my PT appointments), but I'm trying to be mindful of all this. I'm not giving myself permission to binge until the New Year, I don't think that is healthy for ME. I think everyone has to do things in their own way. I am not really sure what my feelings are on my intake right now, but I'm trying to come up with a game plan for the next 5 days, I have a celebration each day with a dinner. Wish me the strength to make smart choices.

Only an hour and a half until I get to hit the road and will be closer to seeing my family...hooray. That is worth more than any cookies or pie.

Update

Even with a gazillion Christmas goodies here today, I'm still rockin! Hooray for this new schedule. It seems to be working so far. Maybe eating more calories for my basic meals is the key (or maybe it seems easy since it is day one). Either way, I'm rockin it today.

I'm back

We are finally in the loop with internet here again. It is soooo hard when I cannot get in regularly. My diet and exercise have certainly taken a toll as a result of my bad choices. I did this. I cannot blame the holidays, or my lack of an ability to blog out my issues. Truth is I made bad choices. How bad I do not know. I will not have an opportunity to weigh in during my normal weigh in time likely this week. Unless I hit snooze too many times tomorrow and have to go to the gym tomorrow night. Then, I will weigh in and post on Wed. I really should do that anyway since I need to put a final weigh in on Chubby Chicks Christmas challenge. Sorry my punctuation and grammar are all over the place today.

Oh well. I am making good choices today. I'm trying a new calorie scheme. I used to do 300,100,350,100,800ish (B, S, L, S, D) before, but inevitably I would end up with more for my snacks, and throw myself way too high on calories because I would munch while cooking my 800ish supper. So after listening to an old Julian Michael's podcast my plan is to go by the clock (since I obviously cannot trust my hunger cues) and not eat with less than four hours between my meals and make them more like 400,400,200,600 (B, L, S, D)...

We'll see how it goes. My hours are off already b/c I ate half my breakfast before the gym and half after, but I think that is OK. It seemed to help me deal with losing that mid-morning snack...

Missed you all, I'll check in when I get a chance. I've been reading, but haven't had a chance to comment lately. You all rock.

random question-biggest loser

So, somehow my internet decided to work for a while?!

Random question...how many of you noticed at the Biggest Loser Finale when Bob and Julian came out they hugged Brittany and Bernie in the crowd? Brittany had put on A LOT of the weight she lost. I have no right to judge, but where are these players not learning the lifestyle change needed? I think most people would absorb as much knowledge from the ranch as they possibly could!

Thoughts?!????

Hey

Having mega internet problems, will hopefully be back online by Monday! Just wanted to give a quick shout out to everyone. I've been reading your blogs on my blackberry, but I haven't been commenting b/c it doesn't work properly. Hope you are all doing well!

Beans

I bought a bag of mixed beans recently on a whim. Now I have no idea how to use them (literally, I don't even know how to make them soft). Anybody have any good bean adivce, or know of a website with good bean advice?

Still eating badly

So, we had Applebee's for a work lunch today. I HATE their WW menu and refuse to order off of it. The thought is good, but the food is NOT appealing to me in any way. SO, I of course ordered what I wanted. Nachos. REALLY? Nachos. For goodness sakes. And now I'm eating about 250 calories worth of sugar. I know I'm doing this. I AM MAKING POOR CHOICES. This isn't about willpower, it is about choices. I really need an on-track day to remind me that it isn't a bad thing...cripes.

so hungry

I could eat a cow. I probably have in the last two days actually. I bet I ate close to 4,000 calories yesterday (including alcohol). My thought process is that it is probably due to two different factors:
1) I only ate 1,000ish calories the day before. I have never had calories that low. I would never do that on purpose. EVER. It was just one of those days. I think my body thought I was trying to starve it, so I over compensated yesterday (this feeling of hunger has lingered today, big time!).
2) I started drinking soda again this week. Why, I don't know?! I was completely over it and had no desire to drink it again.
Self sabotage and bad choices. Ekks. I have a gym update, but am late for an appointment, so it will come later.

In

Shanna also emailed me this pic...

Probably because I got in yesterday....

Hooray for awards

Shanna at a Gym Rat's Tale was kind enough to leave me an award, how did I luck out? I'm just glad she left us an update!

1. Please put the logo in your blog

2. Place a link from the person, from whom you received the award. (I already did this, overachiever me!)

3. Nominate at least 7 or more

4. Put the links of those on your blog
5. Leave a message on their blog to let them know

6. Sigh of relief, you earned that award b/c I just made you work for it!

Fat Bridesmaid, you rock my world

The Trisaratops Lounge

Running from the Pudge

Fat Don't Wrinkle

My dearest Kari at Taking Back Control

Andrea from Get up and Do Something

And last but not least...someone who has been struggling but has not given up...

Mary Beth from Boo Bear's Place

Lots of you are inspiring, but many of you have already won, so I hated double duty. If you already won once, well, you have less work to do because you have already completed this process!

Paperwork

I have been tirelessly filling out the novel of an application for the academy. I have been to the DMV, the Bank (for notarization), typed an essay, gathered reference letters, collected transcripts from high school and college, and have a physical tomorrow, FOLLOWED BY AN INTERVIEW AND UNIFORM MEASUREMENTS.

Hooray. I think that should be good news. The only thing I will have left after that is fingerprinting. I'm pretty sure my fingerprints will lead them to NOTHING. Knock on wood, but my driving record I had to obtain does not even have a single speeding ticket on it. I'm such a dork, but the thought of my insurance going up has always kept me from being too much of a leadfoot. I think the only ticket I have ever had besides parking tickets was my minor in possession. I liked beer before I was old enough, sue me.

I am going to drive an hour tomorrow to turn everything in, probably in a snowstorm. My stomach is in knots, but good ones. I'm ready to start now. BEST NEWS, I can already do most the requirements physically for the graduation of the class, imagine how much better I'll be after they work me to death. The requirements are ridiculously low for girls, I'm embarrassed to even tell you...

1.5 miles for girls age 25-29 Excellent 14:00, Good 16:12 (that's slower than a ten minute mile) Fair 18:45 Poor 19:15

Push-ups in 2 minutes, same age group E 24 G 19 F 13

Sit-ups in 2 minutes, same age E 40 G 34 F29

SERIOUSLY? Is that a joke? Hooray for exercise, I think I can rip this to shreds!

Have a great day all...

Happy Friday

Happy Friday to you all. I ordered a RoadID yesterday, and they gave me a coupon code for all of my friends to save $1 if they wanted to order one. A dollar is a dollar right? I will post their email below.

We are thrilled to have you as a customer and hope that we can count on you to spread the word about Road ID. In fact, to make it fun to spread the word, we created a unique coupon for you pass along to your friends! Here's the coupon number:

Coupon Number: ThanksAmy435962

This coupon is good for $1 off any Road ID order. It can be used up to 20 times in the next 30 days. (until 01/05/09)

So, there you have it, you can share that coupon number with your friends if you want, because I'm sure 20 of you won't use it here. I don't have that many people even read my blog! I realize this is just a marketing ploy for them, but I'm always game to save a buck!

?

Bla bla bla, I'm emotionally tired from stressing myself out about being unemployed, although I think I have finally decided to go for it. I'm NOT a huge risk taker, but I have got to do something for myself, and living a miserable life is taking its toll. Good Tired, TiredTired according to Mizfit. Truth hurts sometimes. It will be rough, but I need to step outside the box and live my life. Crap, hold on, its going to be a bumpy ride.

Two posts in one day, aren't you all lucky

OMG, I just called and had a police academy application sent to my house, but it has to be filled out and delivered by Wednesday. Ekks. They have room in the class, and if I got in I would start Jan 12, that is so soon. What a whirlwind (cue nerves about being unemployed and insuranceless for the first time ever). Well, ever on the insuranceless and unemployed since the age of 14...

No guarantees, I have a lot of information collection to do between now and then...

Maintained

I am so excited to report that I didn't gain over Thanksgiving. The gym scale had me at 188 Monday night, so that was a super exciting sight to see. That really wasn't what made Monday night's gym visit so great though. Bizarre as it may sound, the gym was uber busy for the first time in a long time. That normally wouldn't make for a good experience, but it forced me to step outside of my normal cardio routine. All of "my machines" were full. I had to use something different. I even went and ran on the track since I couldn't get a treadmill. HOLY COW, what a great workout. I forgot how different it felt to go somewhere when you were running. Is it summer yet? I'm ready for some outdoor runs. I'm a huge wimp in cold weather, I hate being outside in the cold.

Moral of the story, even though I always feel like I'm getting a variety of cardio in my daily routine, being forced to step even further outside the box is often a good thing. I only did 60 minutes of cardio, but I was at the gym for and hour and half. It is amazing how many friends you make at your home away from home. It was so good to see everyone and just connect. If you haven't smiled and said hello to the person you see at your gym everyday, I would encourage you to do it. You may find a little extra support and motivation you never expected to get, and you may give that same thing in return. Boy, I sure sound sappy today. Guess a good sweat will do that to a girl!

Back in the saddle again

Monday December 1, what better day than today to be back on track. I feel great. I'm eating clean today. The hubs has been forced to listen to the Jillian Michael's podcast I keep downloading to my iPod, which I play in my truck. He seems to be catching on to this clean eating stuff as well. I will have an official weigh in for you tomorrow as I'm going to the gym tonight.

As a side note, I did end up going on Wednesday, and I did NOT eat Chinese (one crisis averted, too bad a drunken Thanksgiving followed. My family is too fun.)

Exercise has been non-existent since Wednesday. I guess I ran close to half a mile on Saturday. My dog fell in a well, and me in my snowboots, overalls, and coat had to run uphill to the house to get a lariat (aka-lasso and don't ask me why I even had one), ladder, spotlight, and manpower to help get him out. I was one sweaty gal. Luckily, Gus, my dog is fine, he gave us a real scare though. He was cold and wet, but lucky to be alive. Its amazing how dogs have such a way about them. Gus ran off with another one of my dogs, who did not leave his side the entire time. In fact, when we went down looking for them, he led us right to the well hole. Life is crazy sometimes.

Hope you are all back on track today, if you ventured off. If you didn't...way to go!