Good Morning

Good Morning Everyone. What a lovely fall day it is here in rural Missouri. I LOVE this weather! I'm so glad I started this new medication. It was a rough beginning, and I don't always feel the best, but I feel like 86% better than I used to, which was lousy, so that is a HUGE improvement.

I went to the gym last night and had an awesome workout. I actually woke up in the middle of the night and couldn't figure out why I was so sore on my sides. We worked our obliques in ab class, yeah, successfully. Wooo. Then I got up and did an hourish this morning of cardio. probably closer to 50 minutes if you take all my time fooling around and switching gym equipment. I wanted to switch things up this morning. What can I say? Tomorrow and Thursday both I have an appointment with the trainer, so I'll be up early both days too.


Oh wait, I forgot to mention. Happy dance. Since I went to the gym last night, I got to weigh in...weight for it, weight for it (pun intended, duh I misspelled it for pete's sake), drumroll please....192.2! I think I'm going to hit the 189 mark by Halloween for sure. As long as I behave in Alaska this weekend. No excuse to party hardy while I'm up there. I have been super bitchy with this whole no alcohol thing. It sucks a whole lot, but that plus the topamax thing are really helping the scale start to budge, so I cannot bitch about that! So I guess I'll just have to stick with it. How's everyone else doing? Hope you are all doing grand. Random thought, but I was so surprised not to have any rants or raves about the cheeseballs yesterday!

Also super excited b/c I get to go watch my little bro play jr high foot ball today, go little bro! I'll be the psycho loud sister cheering, okay not enough to embarrass him or anything, but you get the point.

Ramble and Roll

Hello, and how are you all? Its a fall day here, which would normally really excite me. It does excite me. I'm definitely down today. I found out a buddy of mine passed away this weekend, and I'm going to his visitation tonight after I go to the gym. He won't care what I smell like.

It really put a damper on my day. Not to mention hubs is having a bad time with his new job. He found out they are doing a bunch of unethical crap, and he is a Christian man with morals, so he's already looking for a job after being at this job for only a week. Doesn't look very good on a resume.

Anyway, enough of my pity party. Life is really okay. I'm not broke, or living in way that I'm doing without. I am just sad to have lost my friend and feel bad for hubs. Looking forward to going to the gym tonight. I'll have to hurry my workout slightly since I'll have the visitation.

Other than that, I did emotionally eat at lunch. I had cheese balls. Yum. I love those little fried balls of ooey gooey goodness. The grease was horrible. I had to link to the image because there was no way I could make everyone look at them without getting hungry. Although, I actually linked to cheese curds, which are slightly different, only in the type of cheese that are inside. Most cheese balls have cheddar, or some type of yellow cheese inside, while often, cheese curds have a white inside I think. One meal will not get me off track though. I will skip my afternoon snack and eat a smaller supper. Have a great evening all.

Finally

I'm finally having a good day. I don't feel like I'm about ready to die! I have my gym bag packed, and the boss is letting us off work a few hours early. So I should be able to beat the 5 o'clock rush. Ya, right. My gym never has a 5:00 rush on Fridays. In fact, no one ever shows up on Fridays. So, I'm setting the standards today.

I really don't have a lot to talk about today. I feel free. I have been waiting to feel this good forever it seems like. I loved Shanna's analogy today about losing her keys. I hope she finds mine. Maybe mine will be at the gym. I have been terrible. I haven't raised my heart rate since Monday (not even for sex), that's right, I'll admit it. I've been going home and passing out almost immediately. Its awful. Not tonight. I'm going to the gym, then going home to clean the house, cook some supper.

Wow, what a relief today has been. I didn't think I was capable of still feeling normal. I'll check in Monday and let you all know how the weekend went. And it kills me to admit this...staying away from the alcohol hasn't been all that bad for me. Wow, that was tough to type!

Oh, and how exciting, only seven days until I leave for Alaska!

Not Posting Today

Unless you count this, which I don't. See you Monday probably, I'll just be a lurker.

Hump Day

Shanna probably took that title the wrong way. Go get em girl. Hee Hee. Btw, thanks for the award, I feel honored. I won an award, I won an award. Neener neener. I'm supposed to pass this on to four people who really inspire me, and I have so many it is hard to choose. I'm passing it on, but I'm not sure if these ladies will even see it because I'm so few and far between on readers, but I don't care, these people still inspire me:

Linda-Fat Don't Wrinkle
Butterfly-I can see it in your face
Kari-Taking back control
Sara-Trisaratops Lounge



Okay, so what a great day. I'm so glad I finally went to the doctor. I am starting a new medication this evening, he's doing blood tests to relieve my worries, and I'm trying to take good advice and not say I'm tired out loud once today. So far so good.

I cannot read everyone's blogs today b/c I haven't seen last night's Biggest Loser yet. Its killing me smalls. I'm totally going to be glued to the VCR (that's right, you read it, VCR, NOT Tivo) tonight. I'm ready for this one.

Anyway, I've been mostly on track. Calories have been slightly high, but not outrageous, and I've done really well today. I'm really looking forward to this appetite loss, hopefully it takes away boredom hunger too! Right...

Like my need to randomly talk about nothing today? I feel like I'm all Jacked up on Mt. Dew, I might sissy kick you, did someone talk about my pee pants?

PS

PS,

How weird is it that after losing 45 lbs, I finally have a doctor tell me that I'm overweight and it isn't good for me? I actually thanked him for being honest. Seriously, I was almost 50 lbs heavier and my old, as in former, as in won't go back, doctor never once said, honey, you're doing your body wrong. Live better or die.

I probably would have cried 50 lbs ago if a doctor would have made the comment, but geesh, it would have been true. It still is, only now I know it and I'm working on it...

Doctor's orders, yuck

The doctor has to say..no alcohol. Its like he's ripping my world apart. I've been thinking about cutting back, but NO alcohol. Ekks. We'll see. He changed my migraine medication. I will be taking topomax now. I really don't mind the stuff I've been on, but rumor has it this new stuff may work for me. We'll see. It has the added bonus of being an appetite reducer (I couldn't spell suppressant...) Its almost like cheating.


I hope it works, they are going to run some blood tests just to make sure it isn't thyroid, diabetes, or leukemia (which sounds weird right, but runs in my family). I'd take a simple solution to the problem, but don't want to have to deal with a long term issue. I just want to feel like the tiredness is not my fault. I hate feeling like I'm to blame for wanting to sleep all the time. It stresses me and the hubby out.

No workout today b/c I'll be on the road. Going to go watch my brother play jr. high football. Have to cheer him on! Also means I get to leave work early, hoooorah.

See you all tomorrow or Thursday.

TIRED

So tired, that is my only response to hi how are you...?

I have been so tired for a few months now, I have even found myself starting to doze off behind the wheel. Woke up less than an inch from a semi truck one day. I am finally going to the doctor tomorrow. I don't feel depressed, but I don't have any other symptoms of thyroid issues. I wish I could type more, but I'm just at a loss today. I'm giving up on trying to pretend to feel peppy. Hopefully we can get some blood tests done tomorrow and get an idea what has been making me feel like a zombie.

I go from awake to heavy sleep/dreams in less than five minutes, this can't be normal. I can do this at any given time of the day, in any given location. In fact, I have to fight not to do it all day long. What gives?

Friday and Chinese Food

The longest week ever is almost over. I cannot wait. Is it time to go home yet? No, but if I'd get off here and get some work done I could go home. I have to go to Wal-Mart and go shopping for my big tire collection at work tomorrow. We collect tires from ditches and recycle them into playground equipment, etc. It is a fun day, but a lot of work, and I'm not ready yet.

I had a really bad night Wednesday, which I didn't talk about earlier. I had an animal catastrophe, and in the process I pulled/pinched a muscle in my neck. I have had a serious migraine for like three days now (something I already suffer from on a regular basis). I probably need to schedule an appointment with my doctor to get a referral, but I hate wasting money on the damn doctor. I've been on so many medications it is ridiculous. The one they have now messes with my brain because it is actually used to treat seizures and bi-polar, so I guess if I feel like having a seizure or drastic mood swing I'm covered, but it still makes me feel duh a lot.

I'm just glad my workout for the day is done so I can go home and lay down after work. I need to do chores, but those involve the animal catastrophe previously mentioned, and I'm not sure I'm ready to get into that yet. Oh well, such is life.

Bad thing is, hubby's last day at his job is today (he starts a new one Monday), so he wants to go out for Chinese to celebrate. I always fall victim to crab rangoon. I just know my calories are going to be miserably bad today. I was super hungry after my workout and I have already had 1025 for the day. Looking at over 2,000 by the time I eat Chinese. Dang girl. Guess I'll have to work extra hard tomorrow throwing tires! Hope you all have a grand weekend.

Save the World

Do you ever have those days when you want to save the world? You want to yank fried food out of everyone's hands and tell them how it is so bad for them. The problem for me is that I want to eat it once I have saved them from it. Seriously, I feel so reflective today. I really haven't figured out what I want to do with life. I have a good job and make good money, but am I happy? Ehhh. I like the thought of teaching. Reading, PE? That is so weird since I literally HATED, DESPISED PE as a child/teenager.


I would still never make the students do gymnastics. Those made me cry. I can't do a damned cartwheel, so leave me the f alone. The teachers never understood that. They embarrass you in every way possible. Maybe I want to do it so badly to be one that can make a difference.


On the bright side of things, I'm down for my weigh in this week. Hooray. Happy dance. Whooooo HOOOOOO. 193.4. Now, I shouldn't be so happy since I already lost this weight once, but it is closer to my short term goal of 189 by Halloween, which at this point is so totally doable! DUH. 189 has been my lowest ever, but I set a goal on Chubby Chick's Christmas Challenge of 175 by Christmas and that goal scares the living shit out of me. I don't know if I can do it, but I'm going to try hard.

Last ramble for the day. I had the best run I've had in a long time last night. I did a 5K on the treadmill in just under 34:00, which is good time for my slow butt. I sweat like crazy. It felt good because I wasn't sure if I could still run that far (I totally would slack on running everyday for the rest of my life, but it is so good for me). Hope everyone else is doing grand!

I heart BL

I cannot say it enough. I heart BL in every way. Now I know a lot of people hate BL because of the false promise, etc etc, but really I do not care. I get motivated watching the show. I want those people to succeed! I feel like every emotion they are experiencing I either have, am, or will experience. I get way to involved. I think I started to tear up like six times last night (at least).

I love the yellow team at this point, which I'm sure can change like 15 times before the end of the season, but that daughter has worked so hard to save her dad. It just gives you a feel good emotion. And Heba, I think her hubby is kind of a dickweed, but she is so sweet. I want her to kick some major butt. Wait, let me say it again. I heart BL. And everyone loves Bob, who I just don't see it, he's so little, but Jillian, she is the kind of trainer you want to please. I need to ask my trainer to scream in my face maybe. Okay, probably not, but you get the point.

I stayed up watching BL until midnight because I had a late night meeting, so I feel kind of delirious today, but I don't care. All I really want to do now is go to the gym. Guess why. I feel inspired. That and I'm a real nerd. NBC does not have this show on air to save lives, they just want to make some moooooney, but how many people do you really think get inspired watching the show? It just hits home. So anyway, I guess now that I gushed I should admit that I went over my calories yesterday by 205. Bummer. I was on track to stay under and caved to a piece of pizza. Why I didn't watch BL before I shoved my face with grease, I don't know. I'll make up for it today with a great workout and tighter calorie budget. All will be well with the world. Its all good.

On track

Being on track feels really good. I'm so on my way to a week of good eating. Which has definitely been my problem, not the exercise. Actually, the real problem has been the drinking, and I have decided that I need to put a stop to this habit. My liver is currently drying out. It feels great. It isn't as fun, or as relaxing to not drink, but it feels good, and I feel better. That was a lot of commas in one sentence.

Yesterday my personal trainer had me use boxing equipment to for my workout. OMG! It was amazing. Not only did I get to punch out aggression, but I also am sore as hell today. Although we lifted weights today, and I think I strained my right hand. Is that possible? It is so damn sore. Anyway, morale of the story, punching at a human is fun. I would recommend it any day. Even my abs were sore at the end.

Hmm, anything else is just not important at this point. I'm really trying to forget how much I hate my job right now and stick to the happy things in life. It has been hard the last few weeks, but things will slow down here sooner or later, and I can try to like this place again. It makes it really hard not to stress eat, but not drinking will help me on that note too. Hope everyone else is doing well. I'm planning to post a weigh in on Thursday. I didn't even post on the CC Christmas Challenge b/c I weigh in the afternoons and have been regularly hitting the gym in the a.m. to see my trainer. I want to be consistent, so I stay off the scales in the morning. Makes no sense except that I figure by weighing in at my highest point in the day, I'll never be disappointed later with a higher number. Weird random thoughts from my head.

Work

Have you ever had a week at work when you just didn't want to be there? I guess it means I'm working on projects I really don't enjoy, or maybe I feel like I'm not doing a good job at the projects I am working on. It always makes me wonder what I really want to be when I grow up. I enjoy talking about weightloss, healthy eating, and exercise, but do I really want to do those things for a job, and in what capacity?

I guess this probably doesn't have a lot to do with weight loss, except that I'm an emotional eater, and boredom is an emotion. When the day passes slow as molasses, my stomach is constantly "growling," even though it really isn't because I'm really truly probably not hungry. The thing is, I can't really tell the difference.

Quick subject change: we went out to eat for work today, and I ordered soup and salad. I didn't order the most healthy soup or salad, I got broccoli cheese soup, ekks, and ceasar salad, double ekks. On the bright side of things, they topped my salad with tons of tomatos, parma cheese, and croutons. I HATE TOMATOES! So, I had to pick all the topping off, cheese and croutons included. Saved myself tons of calories unintentionally. I probably would have never scraped them off just because I wanted to...thing was, the salad didn't taste any different without them. The really problem was, it still tasted like those nasty little diced tomatoes, so I left most of it and filled up on soup. I hate going out to eat because it always leaves me craving fried food. So I think I'll hit the store when I get off work, and pick up some Ore Ida Onion Rings. I can't eat very many, but I can put them in the oven, control the serving size, and have what I crave within reason. I guess I could buy fiber one cereal, onions, and make my own for even fewer calories. We'll see how lazy I feel. I may get both in case I screw up the homemade ones. I'd hate that craving multiplying in intensity.

Thursday

Today, I want to wish all of all soldiers an extra prayer, along with all of the families who lost someone in the 9/11 attacks. Our prayers are with you.

Its Thursday. One day before Friday. I have had the longest week of my life! I just want the weekend to be here already, but I don't think the time is going to fly by in any easy manner. Work has been so hectic, and I just don't feel motivated to be here.

On the bright side of things, the gym has been a great relief mechanism for venting some of that frustration. It has been so great to find such support from the online blogs. I feel more motivated to stay true to myself after reading everyone else's struggles and triumphs.

Can anyone give me advice on how to make my blog have a fun (preferably surfing) background. I have tried multiple times to download a blog template, but it hasn't been working. At this point you would think I should be smart enough to make it work. When did technology become so complicated. I guess I'm resistant, because I refuse to get rid of my VCR~

Hooray

So I finally feel a slight forward momentum. What a relief. I have been eating regularly for a couple days, spent a good amount of time at the gym, and saw my first weight LOSS in nearly 4 months. It was only .8 lbs, but still, it was rewarding to see that the scale can go down again. Hopefully this isn't a fluke of nature, but I'm taking it as a loss and celebrating (not with food of course).

I feel almost back to normal with my motivation levels. I have still been tired, but I quit taking my migraine medicine and it has really helped eliminate some of my lost daze personality. I hate feeling like I'm comatosed (spelling? really who knows how to spell that?).

Thanks girls for sticking with me. I really need this support and look forward to seeing the scale continue to decline! How bout a wedding picture for good measure...I should point out this is my Dad, and it was a jeans and t-shirt wedding. I just surprised the crowd with a dress.

not on track

So truthfully, I'm still not on track. I would like to fool myself into believing that I am, but I just ate a donut, seriously. After a big breakfast. My calories haven't been under 1800 in like 3 months. On track my a** right? Admit it Amy, you are NOT back on track. Dang. I need to find my own level of commitment I guess. What has happened to my choice to live healthy? I'm not choosing to eat appropriately or healthfully. THIS IS NUTS. When do I say enough is enough? SHEESH!

Post wedding sleepiness

Quick note to say I haven't disappeared. I did terrible with food this weekend as expected (it was my wedding...duh). But hubby and I are ready to eat heathy again. My goal is to be down to at least 189 by Halloween. I'm sure the last couple weeks have me up to about 195-196 again, depending on the day. I will do an official weigh in on Friday hopefully. Sorry this has been so irregular!